Cold Turkey and Everyone's Hungry.

On the long road trip to spring break last month I triumphantly declared to my husband that I have pretty much learned all there is to learn through this "no new clothes" challenge. If I remember correctly I did indeed use "air quotes" and eye rolling to emphasize the fact that it was all just a bunch of silliness. Silliness,  it appeared I was ready to be done with.

I had arrived.  Lessons were learned,  my eyes opened, and seeds of contentment sown.   I could wear the same shirt for days because I was so enlightened.

In a humbling twist of thought, the moment I think I've learned all I can, becomes precisely the moment in which I have so much more to learn.

I thought I had it licked.  I could declare my purchasing purity and it wasn't really as hard as I thought.  Sure, I saw all the new spring hues and trends starting to appear on the arms and legs of my peers,  but I would burrow into my closet and find something suitable to me, and I'd survive.   The hardest part was picking out something to wear from my old news selections,  but once I was dressed --I didn't think twice about it.

That felt like progress.   And it was.
But probably not enough. 4 months wasn't the end all to this challenge as I learned shortly after my victorious rant in the van.

My success thus far cannot be attributed to my strong will and resolve - But probably more to my complete and intentional avoidance of placing myself in situations where I would be faced with temptation.  In other words,  I was avoiding stores like the plague.

My kids would clammer,  "Mom!  why don't we have like, any food?!"

My husband would woefully discover no soda in the refrigerator.

My Target card had a zero balance.
A ZERO BALANCE!

I ordered take out Pizza two times in one week.

In an effort to avoid what I thought was temptation, but was really just frustration with the fact that I couldn't get what I want,  I cut myself off. Cold Turkey.

That truth hit me when we were in Florida and the ladies were going to take a morning and do a little vacation mall shopping.   Vacation shopping is special and my favorite.  Since, when on vacation the wallet is a little loose and the impulse buys are more acceptable.  My daughter really wanted to go and I felt uneasy.
Do I stay?
Do I go?
I don't know.
The group of gals we vacationed with were extremely gracious and understood why I stayed home.  Even my daughter seemed OK when I shared that "I better just stay home so I don't buy any clothes"

She was picked up and as the minivan that carried her drove away,  I felt horrible.   Somehow this challenge had taken over in a way that I needed to adjust.   I was missing a moment with my daughter and friends so I could keep myself comfortable.

I've written here before that shopping isn't only about the acquisition of stuff, it can also be about spending time together and connecting.  I need to find a way to do this.   

So tomorrow,  I will go with my girl to Target.  She's grown like a flower and needs a few new summer duds.
We will drive there together,  we will loiter,
I will want to buy her a floral dress and she will say "ugh, no."
I will make eye contact with the Women's Clearance rack and respectfully walk away.
We will get a Starbucks Frappucino.   She might tell me how she feels about entering middle school next fall.
And I will learn that although this year will be annoying and frustrating at times...
that's precisely the way it's supposed to be.

Also.  It's really time to grocery get. We can't survive on box wine and string cheese!

Life Lessons From First Grade

A couple of Fridays back my tender-hearted second born daughter had a meltdown.   A Friday morning-pressure-cooker-getting-ready-for-school-in-a-cramped-bathroom-end-of-the-week-fatigued-meltdown.

This sweetie was made for school.  Loves it.  Can't wait to get there.  So, when at 7:25am I heard her wail,  I knew something wasn't right.   I (wrongly) assumed her older sister was pestering her.   I shrugged,  poured my black coffee into my initialed mug,  placed it on the counter and went to investigate the issue.

When I entered the bathroom I learned the bawling was due to the frustration she felt about a 2-layered shirt she just couldn't figure out how to don correctly.    

Why all of this drama over a shirt?
She had picked out her own clothes this day and per usual when she does so, she chooses this shirt.  It's her favorite.   I wondered, "Does is even matter what a first grader wears to school?"   "FOR THE LOVE,  just choose from the plethora of tops you have!  Any one will do!  We can't miss the bus!!!!"

During this year long challenge,  I've thought a lot about my particular attachment to clothing.   Like any good introspector,  I've dialed it back.
Way back.

In First Grade I desired Lee Jeans.
Pin Striped Lee Jeans.
With a leather patch.

I don't remember when, or how or why, but I obtained them.   Thanks, Mom!

I was proud as a peacock the day I wore them to school and helped my teacher rearrange the bulletin board.  I needed to stand on a chair to reach the top and thankfully my green shirt was tucked in so everyone could see the leather "Lee" patch.

Did I just say thankfully?  Yeah, this clothing thing runs deep.

As the years went by it was one thing or another.  Reebok shoes,  stirrup pants, silk shirts, Guess jeans,  Polo shirts, Tight Rolled Levi's Silvertab Jeans, Abercrombie & Fitch oversized anything.  In adulthood my brand attraction continued --Gap, Express, J.Crew, Banana Republic, Free People, The North Face.   Something changed though.  When I was younger I wanted to wear what everyone else was wearing.   As I aged,  I desired uniqueness.  Bring me to a boutique where everything is nearly one of a kind and I am a happy gal.

Back to my unhappy gal.   That Friday morning,  I was annoyed and tired but needed to meet her where she was at.  I assisted her with the shirt and out the door they skee-daddled just in time for the bus.   I was left thinking that I was really not that different than a First Grader.
I may not have difficulty with the literal task of dressing,  but what kind of scene do I create when I am getting ready to go to church, or a night out,  or even just figuring out what activewear to choose for a run?

Well, I'll tell you.   At times,  it's a mess.   A pile of cast-offs that make me look pale, or heavy, or old, or (GASP) boring!  I may not be crying about it like my little one was, but if I what I wear has to be just right... just the right brand, or style or whatever ---What's that about?

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Matthew 6:25

I'm not here to say that wearing quality clothing that fits well and looks attractive is wrong.  Not at all.  In fact most of the brand name items I buy outlast the discount store must-haves that shrink and fade and pill.   Clothing is a necessity,  I get that.  What continues to impress upon me is how much of my identity, my branding do I find in my apparel?   When I just can't seem to get the right outfit together leaving a tornado of floral dresses in my wake, it's time for a change.

My frustrated thoughts at my daughter's clothing predicament come back to me, to teach me...

"Does is even matter what a first grader wears to school?"  
Michelle,  it really doesn't matter what you wear to Costco.

"FOR THE LOVE,  just choose from the plethora of tops you have!  Any one will do!
Michelle,  just pick a scarf, any scarf.

We can't miss the bus!!!!"
Michelle, don't miss out on the life that is truly life.

Other Posts:
To Be Clothed In Contentment
Blue Light Special

small victories.

"Made it to Tuesday!"  my friend texted me yesterday.

I smiled because I was really feeling that text. 

Making it to Tuesday seems almost laughable doesn't it?
How can we not make it to a Tuesday?  it's only the 3rd day of the week,  how hard can it be?

Sometimes Monday is such a Monday, that Tuesday's arrival is a thing of victory!

"Made it to Tuesday!"
It's not nearly as accomplished as the victorious shout,  "TGIF !!!"
...but, at times it sure feels like it.

It's that time of year where I have to right my attitude rather often.
School is back in session,  and with it comes all the busy.

The big irony of my life is this...
I.DON'T.LIKE.BEING.CRAZY.BUSY.

It annoys me.  Unlike some,  I don't thrive on chaos,  but secretly wish I did. 
I tend to lose function (and graciousness) right at the height of the busyness.
It's not a great scene.

After those moments I am always left with this:  a pile of crying kids,  sky high laundry,  incomplete homework.   Oh, and let's just throw in a completely spilled 2L of orange soda,  Dan working out of town and a teething toddler for good measure.

How do I reconcile my aversion to busyness with the reality that I have 5 kids going in 5 different directions?  I ask myself that question quite often because wishing my life was slower paced,  more home based and less minivan occupied is really not going to help matters.   I must take actions to keep myself from the quicksand of grumbling discontent.  

This week's action:  ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE
with a rambling  manifesto  prayer...

How can I not completely bust open with thankfulness for all that God has given me?  Does sticky orange soda ALL OVER EVERYWHERE really amount to anything when compared to the 5 healthy, funny, naughty, unique kids that spilled it?

NO.   Our kids are gifts.  Every moment that I cart them around, wipe their butts,  fold their laundry, make their sandwiches,  give them tylenol,  cheer them on, and put them to bed is a gift of a life with them.
Yes,  of course I will feel like I am going off the rails from time to time but, Lord,  help me not to lose perspective for too long.  
God,  speak to me when I can't seem to do one more math problem or tackle the dishwasher for the millioneth time   Remind me Lord, that these moments are purposeful, sacred.   
YOU have called me to them.

During it all help me celebrate the small victories,  see the wins,  may they stimulate my day and my attitude so I know just how precious this life is.   

May I always thank you, Lord for these days... even the Mondays.



I hope to work through and write about other intentional actions I can take to be the Momma I want to be.
but don't hold your breath...
I am a slow learner.


thanks for the inspirational text, friend-  truly.

The Steadfast Love of the Lord Never Ceases,
His Mercies Never Come to an End.
They are New Every Morning,
New Every Morning.
Great is Thy Faithfulness, Oh Lord.
Great is Thy Faithfulness!

good times. noodle salad.

So,  here I am at the end of another summer season with my thoughts and photo archives bursting at the seams.   We had more than enough activity to fill our days and nights and weekends.  I am thankful for this.  It made the long days and nights with Dan working away more bearable and we created memories I hope the kids will hold onto.

Here at the blog my tendency is to photo dump in an attempt to bring it up to date.  Let's call it...

SUMMER SNAPSHOT 2012

15.

I wanted to do this 2 months ago, but you know how it is...  life gets in the way.

So,  15 years and 2 months into our marriage we celebrate 

with this slideshow of photos... through the years,  

and a wedding prayer.

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise.
You are faithful, God, You are faithful.

--- Matt Redman Never Once 

Father in heaven,
        give today your blessing
        upon the marriage of Dan and Michelle.
      We thank you for the vows
        they have spoken
        and the love in which
        they are now united.
      Keep them faithful and strong
        in every trial.
      Sustain their joy and affection
        for many years.
      We pray, Lord Jesus,
        that you will be acknowledged
        head of their home
        and master of their lives.
      Equip them, Holy Spirit,
          with patient endurance,
      sacrificial service, unfailing courtesy,
        endless trust, and lasting love.
      Grant that their home
        will often be a place of laughter;
        and in times of difficulty or trouble,
        a haven of healing and forgiveness.
      May they and their children
        give constant praise to you,
        eternal Father, who with the Son and the Spirit
        is God, blessed and exalted forever. Amen.

Spring into Summer!

annnnd.... exhale.

Summer is here.   Since my last post was Mother's Day and Father's Day is long gone...let's play catch up.

This poor blog has been largely ignored in the last while.
I jumped into May ---held my breath and let it out when the kids finished school.

I'd like to point out (for the memory books) that my kids had an extra long Last Day O' School since I forgot what time dismissal was and the poor souls waited 20 minutes for this lady to mozy in with the minivan.    

They survived,  but I was bummed.
I love that last day of school scene.  Papers from somewhere mid year swirling around the halls,  overflowing dumpsters and (dare I hope) recycle bins where all the year's hard work is laid to rest.  I love the jubilant faces of the students  as they slug that dirty backpack and smelly lunchbox over their shoulder one last time.  

I see relief on the face of teachers that they survived or thrived another year.   What is theirs for the taking is now respite,  refreshment and renewal.  ( for about 80 days )  But don't get me started on that.  'TIS TOO SHORT.

But,  I missed it.  Too late for pickup and 2 of my kids found other rides home.  My eldest child waited patiently at the flagpole as I cruised into the drop off spot.   My son who had just completed 6th grade,  hopped in the van and shook his head with knowing.   He knew I was late,  he knew I was clueless,  and he smiled anyway.   Boy,  did I grab hold of that.   I don't know if that kind of grace comes regularly as a 6th grader turns 7th grader and beyond.

Insert Last Day Pic here:

Well,  with the another Last Day and its story in the books I thought the easiest way to bring this bliggity blog up to speed is a photo dump.  (thanks for new term, Jamie!)

And now,  my lame attempt to record the doings from 2012 second quarter...

 Naomi delights.   She is now nearing 16 months and still refuses to walk...

or hold a sippy cup...
It's no big secret why :)  Let's just day she likes to be pampered.

 My search ended for the perfect dresser!  Finally, a real home for our unmentionables!

 Find the seller and professional painter : http://simpleredesign.blogspot.com/p/tutorials.html.

 A trip with Drew to the Michigan Historical Museum.  Love Rosie the Riveter.  Reminded me of this post over on Little Things.  The resemblance is uncanny!

 The 4th Grade Wax Museum.   Drew, as Wilbur Wright of the Wright Brothers.

Yes,  I was constructing that plane into the wee hours of the night...

the night before. 

It's how we do.

Over the last 3 summers I have really,  really taken an interest in gardening.   This beauty was a sad, spent, little clearance plant last year for one dollar.   I had to wait a year, but it was worth it.  

Second grade brings a day in the life of a pioneer girl.   Joy was so excited to go to the one room school house and experience life as it once was.   Real life Little House on the Prairie!

That wrapped up the school year.

Little did I know I needed to take another huge breath and hold it until after the 4th of July,  when things would once again calm.

Happy Summer!
More catch ups coming soon.

march means milestones

In the past the month of March is always a whirlwind and this one was no exception.

Joy and I kicked off the month with our shared birthday.   For some time Joy has wanted to get her ears pierced,  but just never really nailed down a time or age that she would find the courage to do it.   After her younger cousin got her ears pierced for Christmas she decided that her 8th birthday would be the day.  After school Grandma,  Joy and I went over to the local mall and I proudly watched my oldest daughter experience this rite of passage.     She didn't wimp out,  or even shed a tear (even after I told her she could)   The crying and whining was to follow a few weeks later when the novelty wore off and she still has to clean her ears.

Next up that month was a trip with our beloved small group to Great Wolf Lodge.    I have a terribly old camera that uses a thumb tack for a shutter button!  Unfortunately,  that caused me to miss out on a lot of good pix on this trip.  Thankfully,  I have talented friends with great cameras to capture the moments!
here's a sampling...

Oh,  I'm not done yet...
We celebrated the birthdays and the life of Chase turning 12 and Naomi is now 1.   Family parties and plenty of fun.   The only thing missing was Dan.  He was working away out of state (more on that in a later post). 

I might have to do a whole post on what it means for me for this gal to turn one year old.  

Stay Tuned.

Apparently the rule in this house is that you get a friend Birthday party when you turn 8.
This was Joy's year!   We wandered to the local bowling alley and she and 11 of her school friends bowled and giggled,  created plenty of drama for a Friday afternoon.   It was a fun time and it's always special to see your kid in her element.  

 Joy with her Grandmas- I was so thankful to have them there!

 Grandma H. and Dewey take a break from all the girl power.

Despite all the fun, there were many menial as well as challenging moments in March.    At times when Dan was gone --if I didn't laugh I would most certainly cry during particularly overwhelming times with the fantastic 5.   We survived and thrived March 2012 despite what this last photo implies...

Juliet's beauty shop.