This is Love.

Happy Birthday Drew & Juliet!!!

While Dan & I were unable to celebrate at home the birthdays of Dewey and Juliet,    our dear friends and family came together to make their birthday a special day dedicated to them.

My heart swells with how much this meant to me.   I was torn that day.     Holding our 5th child,  yearning for her life and yet wanting to hold, hug, and sing to the 2 children I had given birth to on that very date 2 and 8 years ago.  

Knowing we weren't able to give the kids the birthday party they deserved,   God moved in the hearts of our friends and family to  make it happen in the most memorable way.

Please rejoice in the photos that I have to share from the party.

 

A ride home from Mr. Bird and a SURPRISE party!!

The whole gang in the garage.

Juliet needs a little help from Big brother Chase to blow out her candles.

8 years old

2 years old,  and a little unsure about all the excitement.  

Indescribable Pain, Indescribable Peace

Yesterday I didn't think I would utter another word on this blog. 

Ever.

I had been struggling with blogging, Facebook, and how much of myself was out there for the world to know.  I  had been wanting to take back some of my privacy and was figuring out how best to do so.

The experiences of this week puts my thoughts, my whole life in a new perspective.

Last night,  as we returned home from our hospital stay,   we were welcomed by so many emails, text messages , cards,  and  phone calls.  Loving expression of encouragement, love and sympathy.
I am left feeling so unimaginably grateful for this outpouring.     We felt your prayers,  we felt God's presence.   I may not have known this comfort if I had not taken the simple step of doing something normal and seemingly unnecessary as checking my email,  and Facebook.    Social networking and blogging was starting to seem to me as as a worldy distraction,   but I realized today,  it  has blessed us beyond measure.

Every word we have received from our friends,  family, community and even people I hardly know well has brought us closer to the peace we seek.    Thank you,  Thank you all.

I am still me,  and I want to share my thoughts and thanks.   For today,  it helps.

An update to our story...

With my loving husband at my side ,

I delivered our 5th child,  a daughter  April 15 at 4:12a.m.

We had extremely loving doctors at our side,  who I know were placed there by God to help us through.   She was precious and so very tiny,   weighing not even 1 pound.    We held her,  we gazed at her,  we love her.

She was already with Jesus.

We did not officially name her since we had no names even chosen at this early time.    I didn't want to randomly  give the baby a name I didn't love.     While we didn't yet know if she was boy or girl,    I had nicknames in mind  "Little Shelly"  or "Little Danny"   because he or she was a part of us.

Truly, I don't know exactly how to live my life after this kind of loss and feeling this sadness,  but we will.

God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way.

I begin this post the with nearly the same sentiment as the previous post.

I  don't  credit destiny,  luck,  fate or any other foolish rationale for what I learned about my future yesterday in the ultrasound room.

I believe in God's Providence.  

I trust His provision.


Please pray for us today and in the months to come.   We will be traveling a road never before taken, and we aren't quite sure how to navigate.

Since I announced my pregnancy via Blog,   I  decided to use a post share the pregnancy loss.

That's all for now.

One Dollar Well Spent.

I  don't  credit destiny,  luck,  fate or any other foolish rationale for what I learned about my future that day in the church bathroom.

I believe in God's Providence.  

I trust his Provision.

I stand,  I stand in awe of Him.


A few weeks back,   on a chilly January day I thought I needed an answer.    We had prayed for an answer,   to a question,  THE question Dan and I had been asking ourselves and God for many months.  

It  seemed to me that  some other couples had an easy time knowing when their quiver was full.    I envied their decisiveness.    Why,  were we so reluctant to call our family complete?  

The TFR (total fertility rate) for Americans is 2.09 in 2006.  
That puts us at 1.91 more kids than the national average.   

Oh, and let's not forget,  the economy is in the toilet,    the pressures of a single income home,   feeling real parental inadequacies.

( I need to insert that I am not complaining here,  just stating the facts.)

Back to what I learned in the church bathroom.   That January day started with a nagging feeling that only a pregnancy test could quiet.    I decided to goto the local Dollar General and buy the cheapest one there.   One dollar later and I was on my way.   I thought I might wait until the next morning but somehow a minute later I was in the bathroom at my church  which was right next to the Dollar store,  with my screaming 1 1/2 year old.   I stared in somewhat disbelief as one line turned to two.     

One dollar had just changed our lives.

Okay,  the question begs to be asked...  Why, another child?  

Because God has given us one.
I've been  reading this verse to find truth and inspiration.

Psalm 127:3-5 (The Message)

^3-5 Don't you see that children are God's best gift?
      the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
   Like a warrior's fistful of arrows
      are the children of a vigorous youth.
   Oh, how blessed are you parents,
      with your quivers full of children!
   Your enemies don't stand a chance against you;
      you'll sweep them right off your doorstep.

We accept this gift and pray for continued health, strength and development of the baby.  

this one's for the blog book.

I began this blog in February 2006, nearly 4 years ago!   It has seen its share of highs and lows,   interesting topics, and many chronicles of the mundane.       I was excited to come across a couple of websites that convert my (and yours) personal blog into a book that can be kept for a lifetime (just in case this whole internet thing doesn't stick around)


Blog2Print
or
Blurb

Not wanting to miss a moment for the blog book archive,  I'm adding  photo highlights from the last month or so.  

Chase played in a YMCA Basketball league, 

We cheered our heads off when he scored his first basket.

Christmas dinner with the ladies.

ummm...

Forced Christmas photo...

and yet another.

 

Uncle John is the Best!!

 

Uncle Danno got a new hat for Christmas!

and Chase got Flash Cards ?!  Just what every kids wants.

This child will not look at the camera,  but she's cute anyway. 

More to come...

Cinderella @ the Civic

 
Prior to Christmas,  Mom H. invited Joy and I to see Cinderella at the Civic Theatre!
For Joy , It was an event as highly anticipated as Christmas morning.   For me,  it was a special treat to spend the night with just with my mom and my eldest daughter.  

Thank you Mom!!!

Run for your Life !!!

Coop fire 2010.


Poor Dan.    All the the energy and excitement he put into building the chicken coop all went up in flames this morning.

They will live to lay another egg.

 

I think someone needs a hug.   seriously.

the Greenway's water station --still intact !!

We are very thankful that it is a calm winter day  (not the middle of the night),

that Katie spotted the fire in it's early minutes,

that Dan was home to extinguish the flame ,

that nothing else caught fire.

but now... where to house the survivors?

Merry Christmas.

A Christmas Haiku

This child of mine,

Found her own unwrapped present.

Christmas day is now.

 

a reason to celebrate!

Last Friday we had a wonderful opportunity to celebrate with friends the 10th anniversary of Josh and Jamie. 

A surprise planned by Joshy B.  went off nearly flawlessly.  

Here's a group pic. and a few others from the evening.   I wish I had more,  but I still can't quite figure out the camera that I've had for 3 years.

Happy Anniversary J & J !!!

Thanks for a fab night out!

I will give you one guess as to what these two were discussing.

 

Looking good VDs !   You're up next, right? 

Tis the Season for impulse buys...

There are three reasons I shop online.

1.   Free shipping,  and if not,  it still beats finding a parking spot and waiting  with 2-4 kids in the checkout line.

2.   Home delivery.   The brown box on the front door step = check one more gift of the shopping list.

3.   Drastic reduction of impulse shopping.   See it.  Think I need it.  Buy it.


Having said that,  I have ventured out to the local Target a time or two.   My latest and hopefully last impulse buy are the following Christmas stockings,,,

Oh the kids were even more excited than I was.  Will they still be excited when all they receive in their stockings is a chapstick because I've already spent too much money ??

Shrinking the Circle.

I enjoy watching the new TV show -- The Middle.   Some of the truths in an episode usually make me chuckle.  Being middle class in the midwest is somewhat of a unique existence.   Unique, and often bizarre to those who didn't grow up here,  or haven't visited it for an extended amount of time.     We have our own way ( much unbeknownst to ourselves) about doing just about everything.     That could be a blog post in and of itself.     Let me suffice it to say, that   compared to the other pockets of the USA,  the middle is more than just  geography.   

Many of us are born, raised, and remain in the middle.    This isn't necessarily a bad thing.   Famiiies/friends that live close to one another have a certain advantage when it comes to being involved in each others lives.   If you share a driveway with your parents,  you will  know them,  and they you.     If you live 2000 miles apart,  time together is much more of a challenge.   If you have had the same friend since you were toddlers, and now the two of you have toddlers who are friends,  there is amazing blessing in that.    I will never argue that God  does great things right where we are.   But are we just a titch too cozy?   Is all the overlap between school, church, work, hobbies, family-- shrinking the circle?

Do we want our circle to expand?   Do we even see the need for our circle to expand?   

It doesn't matter where you live,  urban, rural, suburban, west coast, midwest, east coast,  Canada.   The question i ask myself and you,  are we increasing our territory, or is the circle shrinking?

Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request" (1 Chronicles 4:9-10).

this ain't Green Acres.

do I really need to look up from my kitchen table to see this creature about to peck at the window?
This chicken thing may have just gone too far...

Hotel Excursion '09

What do you do in the midwest when the kids are on a school break just as  weather turns a bit foul?

You take them to a hotel with a swimming pool.   You let them eat junk food and stay up later than usual.  You all sleep in the same room and pray for daylight.

Last year we ventured to Splash Universe in fabulous Indiana,  this year we kept it local.

Here's the thing;  Dan was already gone out west on a pheasant hunting trip.   I promsied the kids that we would go stay a night in a hotel and it seemed like a good idea at the time.  Just me and the 4 kids.  What could go wrong? 

I saw the look of concern on mother's face when she said good-bye to us for the night.   I will admit.   I don't always think things through.    I often leap into something without thinking of the downside.   As the door closed and Mom went on home it wasn't the first time I felt a little nervous about this adventure.    The first time was when I (briefly) lost Juliet.  She slithered out an open door and took off down the hall as fast as her little feet would take her.    The second time was when she fell face first in the kiddie pool,  cause I was keeping an eye on Chase.   I quickly snatched her up, crisis averted.    The third time was soon to come when we were all laying in bed and from about 9:15 to 9:30 it was a chorus of sneezing, coughing, crying, and yes, farting.  

Normally, Mom would have stayed with me overnight  to help me maintain control,  but thankfully she had just recovered from pneumonia and sleeping (or not sleeping well) at a hotel was not what the doctor ordered.     I convinced her I had it under control,  that the kids were getting more and more independent,  that the night would be smooth sailing.  

Believe it or not,  once the kids fell asleep and the riff-raff out in the hallway settled down   the night was great.    Breakfast was hot in the morning, and we had time to take one more dip in the pool.   All  that was missing was Daddy! 

fall fotos.

Dear Fall, it's time we chat.

Dear Fall (or shall I greet you as Autumn?),

Just the thought of you used to send shivers up my spine. I would dread your arrival from the 4th of July forward. I considered you an unweclome precursor to the the season that follows you. I could not understand the attraction, the anticipation others felt when they spoke of you. Fall lovers would talk of you so lovingly. They love your color, your temperature, your fun offerings. I honestly thought I had no use for you. I wanted to close my eyes and wake up in April.

One early fall day I asked myself why I disliked you so. Did I have the evidence to support my stance that Fall was a necessary evil? What exactly was it about you that turned me into a harvest time scrooge?

My introspection provided me with a few reasons not listed in any particular order.

• You indicate the official end of summer. (lazy days, 80 degrees, vacation,)
  

• You make our lives overly committed with the commencement of school, soccer, church activities.

• You shorten daylight hours

• You make us search for socks, shoes, jackets, hats.

• You bring us one step closer to the looooonng, cold winter with its treacherous driving.
  

• You remind me that my kids are not getting any younger, nor are any of us.

The list of offenses against you are kind of laughable. How can a change of season be blamed for life just-- well, happening? Why must I use my energy to hate on fall, when I am really just hating on change ?

Just because I want my babies to be babies forever, and for the structure and responsibility of school time to go away, or for the weather to be 85 degrees forever, does that mean I am some kind of wingnut?

wingnut :

(noun) A person appearing to be moderately to severely crazy, disoriented, jumbled and more often than not, a total mess. A wingnut is a constant source of entertainment to those surrounding it and can easily be found in any type of setting or venue. Example: grocery stores, sporting events, cross-walks, public transportation, school, work…you may even have one in your house.

But, I digress. This year, Autumn, I decided to look at you with new eyes. Before, you could do no right by me. This year I watched you develop.

• I noticed the joy in my family and friends at your arrival.
  

• I took a good hard look at your colorful display and appreciated you.
  

• I wrapped my first cozy scarf around me neck and enjoyed it.
  

• I sipped hot coffee to warm me as I cheered my sons on during their soccer games.

• I felt the confidence in my daughter's step as she ran out of the van to join her classmates.
  

• I sat and enjoyed the pure silence as my baby slept and the older kids were at school for I had not experienced that kind of deafening silence in 3 months.

Fall, you bring certain change. I can now embrace you next we meet, instead of speaking ill about you. I can look to your appearance as the demonstration of God's promise in Geneis 8:22:

"As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease."

under, over, or never churched. Does is matter to you?

God brings this previous post to my mind today, often actually. It is amazing what a sign on the side of the road can say to my heart.

What are your thoughts?

Do you like church the way you remember it?

Do you remember it?

Would you even want to?

The Master.

Having golfed for only the second time this year (the first time being a week ago), Dan brought home the hardware!

The (mostly) Annual Hopkins Masters Golf Championship took place this past Saturday. According to the traveling golf ball shaped trophy, the first winner was Grandpa Hopkins in 1973. Awesome. Dan wasn't even born yet! There were many winners in between then and now, my Dad took home the coveted Green Jacket an impressive 4 times.

I was oblivious to his winning, until he walked in the house sporting the Green Jacket! Let me tell you, the kids were EXCITED! Drew wanted to keep the trophy in his room, Chase enjoyed reading the names etched in brass (and one in masking tape). Dan talked about wearing the Jacket in all it's 1970s glory to church today.

The future Master almost didn't go golfing that night because I selfishly wanted him to stay home with me but I am so glad he did!

Final score 31. That's one nice handicap.