"never again"

I'm sure I've mentioned before Dan's occupation is not  predictable,  stable,  and only sometimes local.

I relish the sweet life when we can get 2 out of the three.  Typically it's only one.

Sometimes I desire predictability.   He says home by 6:00-- and at 6:12  I hear the diesel rolling up just in time for supper.  This makes for a great night. 

Sometimes I crave stability.   Week to week income consistency.   Perfect for budgeting,  saving?  and planning.

Other times (and thankfully,  this one doesn't happen too often)  I would like to hear Dan snoring next to me at night and not have to say goodnight over the phone.

I am not trying to be whiney or sarcastic here.   I just needed to clarify that because sometimes tone is hard to detect in writing.   I'm just sharing some thoughts and actualities.

Putting these wants down on virtual paper tells me something.

It's all about me.
How I want my life to roll,   how could my day to day be better?   Why am I so overwhelmed?

These selfish tendencies start small as molehills and become mountains quite quickly.    In March, I let it get the best of me when Dan worked far, far away.

"Never Again!"   I ranted during our nightly telephone convo.   I can't remember the details of that day,  why I was so frustrated,  or even what was his reply.      I remember thinking how his job/his paycheck was absolutely not worth what I was going through during the 3 weeks alone with the 5.

Can you smell the selfishness?
I couldn't.

In fact,  I was in danger of ruining his homecoming because I had a hard time letting go of how irritated I was.  

I realize I sound like a disaster of a person here :)   But what one of us hasn't had a moment where they felt like somehow their life wasn't what they signed up for?    Don't we all have that things in our lives that etch away at our perspective?   Those times when we are downright open season for the devil's schemes?

Is a comfortable,  manageable existence my ultimate goal?

or

Is finding the God honoring way to live within the discomfort and irritation what I am called to do?

and

Should I put myself in the shoes of my husband who had to sleep in a hotel,  away from his children,   with no break from his employees,  eating more restaurant meals than anyone would ever want.   Away from me,  from church family... separated from his life?

I could go on,  but won't because there is a turning point to this story that came from an unexpected place. 

You see,  while I was disgruntled here at home something amazing and special was happening for a loved one of mine.   I didn't know it at the time,  but learned about it after the guys came home.
I say guys,  because Dan wasn't completely alone while he worked away. 

He was with his Dad.  His brothers. 
They all worked together on the same job.   If I am correct,  this hasn't happened before and most likely will not happen again.  

So while I was grumbling away at home,  Dad D. was experiencing moments to treasure and keep. 

Dan and I talk often about the pros and cons of family business.     I won't get into those but will say that once in awhile blessing trumps the hardships.  

For many reasons, Maryland 2012 was one of those those times.

I am certain I will forget the annoyance it was for me to be alone for 3 weeks,   but Dad will never forget the weeks he worked side by side with his sons in the beauty of spring.

This ones for you, Dad.   It was your turn  :)  (insert smile here)