Cold Turkey and Everyone's Hungry.

On the long road trip to spring break last month I triumphantly declared to my husband that I have pretty much learned all there is to learn through this "no new clothes" challenge. If I remember correctly I did indeed use "air quotes" and eye rolling to emphasize the fact that it was all just a bunch of silliness. Silliness,  it appeared I was ready to be done with.

I had arrived.  Lessons were learned,  my eyes opened, and seeds of contentment sown.   I could wear the same shirt for days because I was so enlightened.

In a humbling twist of thought, the moment I think I've learned all I can, becomes precisely the moment in which I have so much more to learn.

I thought I had it licked.  I could declare my purchasing purity and it wasn't really as hard as I thought.  Sure, I saw all the new spring hues and trends starting to appear on the arms and legs of my peers,  but I would burrow into my closet and find something suitable to me, and I'd survive.   The hardest part was picking out something to wear from my old news selections,  but once I was dressed --I didn't think twice about it.

That felt like progress.   And it was.
But probably not enough. 4 months wasn't the end all to this challenge as I learned shortly after my victorious rant in the van.

My success thus far cannot be attributed to my strong will and resolve - But probably more to my complete and intentional avoidance of placing myself in situations where I would be faced with temptation.  In other words,  I was avoiding stores like the plague.

My kids would clammer,  "Mom!  why don't we have like, any food?!"

My husband would woefully discover no soda in the refrigerator.

My Target card had a zero balance.
A ZERO BALANCE!

I ordered take out Pizza two times in one week.

In an effort to avoid what I thought was temptation, but was really just frustration with the fact that I couldn't get what I want,  I cut myself off. Cold Turkey.

That truth hit me when we were in Florida and the ladies were going to take a morning and do a little vacation mall shopping.   Vacation shopping is special and my favorite.  Since, when on vacation the wallet is a little loose and the impulse buys are more acceptable.  My daughter really wanted to go and I felt uneasy.
Do I stay?
Do I go?
I don't know.
The group of gals we vacationed with were extremely gracious and understood why I stayed home.  Even my daughter seemed OK when I shared that "I better just stay home so I don't buy any clothes"

She was picked up and as the minivan that carried her drove away,  I felt horrible.   Somehow this challenge had taken over in a way that I needed to adjust.   I was missing a moment with my daughter and friends so I could keep myself comfortable.

I've written here before that shopping isn't only about the acquisition of stuff, it can also be about spending time together and connecting.  I need to find a way to do this.   

So tomorrow,  I will go with my girl to Target.  She's grown like a flower and needs a few new summer duds.
We will drive there together,  we will loiter,
I will want to buy her a floral dress and she will say "ugh, no."
I will make eye contact with the Women's Clearance rack and respectfully walk away.
We will get a Starbucks Frappucino.   She might tell me how she feels about entering middle school next fall.
And I will learn that although this year will be annoying and frustrating at times...
that's precisely the way it's supposed to be.

Also.  It's really time to grocery get. We can't survive on box wine and string cheese!

Blue Light Special

I come by this rightly, you know...my fondness for shopping. For clothes, for discounts.   My late Aunt Pat who I loved and miss dearly was a discount fashionista and an awesome bargain hunter.   One of her faves was the K-Mart Blue Light Special.   When my mom, us kids, Aunt Patty, & her girls went to the K-Mart it was bound to be special,  Blue Light Special.   
The announcement would carry across the fluorescent glow of the store and depending on where we were located it was either loud and clear,  or distant and faint.   Didn't matter though, all we needed to do was look up and find a path to the flashing blue light and undoubtedly we'd go home with something great at a significantly marked down price tag.

My last post was the official jumping off point (albeit 2 months in) to the 
No New Duds. 365 Lessons in Contentment challenge. 

Around January 1, I knew I would be committing to this.  But,  before the famine I had to (thought I had to) sneak in one last feast.  I suggested to my kids that we should go to Target and they could use their Christmas gift cards to find some post holiday bargains.  While they were there scouring the toys and electronics, I was drawn as if by magnetic force to the colorful, brightly orange stickered women's clothing clearance!   I picked through the racks with anticipation.  I was confident I would leave there with some trendy delight for a cool 30-50 percent off.   My own Orange Sticker Special!

I found a dress and two cardigan sweaters that day.  Sweetening the deal was an extra 5 percent off if I used my Target RedCard.   I did.

My eldest son was with me that trip and I told him,  before he had the chance to ask...
"I am starting the no new clothes thing on Monday, January 5 when you go back to school.  That's when Christmas break is done,  that's when real life resumes".  
Could he smell the rationalization?   He did.  

As you can see,  I was a bit squirrelly at first,  I hope to get stronger.
  
One of the biggest reasons I have ended up with excess clothing is because me, myself and I (not my mom or my beloved Aunt) have bought into the idea that if it's a "good deal" or a "sale price" I then have full license to purchase it.  Even if I don't truly need it,  even if I have something similar but in a slightly different hue, even if I don't have the cash on hand.   
It feels better and more successful going home with something, than without. 

It's a mindset I'll need to crack open as this challenge takes shape.  

I look back on those days at K-Mart in the1980s as warm memories.   Not because of the stuff we purchased, because I cannot remember a single item,  but because of the time spent together.   Shopping can be about that too.   But, that's a post for a different day.

Good night!

 

To Be Clothed in Contentment.

Three years ago I read a book penned by author/speaker Jen Hatmaker titled: 

7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess.

For many a reason of which I won't go into today (check the link, or just read the book), Jen embarked on a 7 month journey.  In the spirit of a fast she committed to each of the experiments  listed below. 

Only seven foods for a month. 

Only seven pieces of clothes for a month. 

Give away seven things we own a day for a month. 

Eliminate seven forms of media for a month. 

Adopt seven substantial habits for a greener life.

Spend money in only seven places. 

Practice "seven sacred pauses" a day

In her words, "a deeply reduced life to find a greatly increased God" 

I should mention that I read this book while on a 7-day 15th anniversary cruise with my husband.  Oh, the irony was rich as we sailed the seas in that mammoth vessel where excess was celebrated, expected and blissfully enjoyed.   Naturally, we had a great time on that vacation but the 7 book really captured my thoughts.  All gussied up in our new duds we feasted on a 5-course (of course) dinner where I shared with Dan all the ways this book had challenged me.   He graciously listened and curiously smiled at my new passion and plans for simplifying our lives upon returning home.    He knowingly nodded his head up and down and then proceeded to order three desserts.  

You guessed it.  I didn't change a thing.  The book went on the shelf and I hit the nearest Target.

Many months zipped by, yet the quiet, muddled corner of my heart that wanted to apply what God was teaching me since reading the 7 book became louder and clearer.

Last Autumn my sister mentioned that a couple years back she and her good friend decided to embark on a challenge to purchase no new clothing for a year.  I vaguely remember this.  I think I heard about it,  dismissed it,  and felt satisfied that I "didn't have to do something like that." 

They had their rationale, rules and from what I understand they stuck it out.    As Stacey reminded me of this,  I was suddenly pricked with the memory of the 7 book and how fired up I was at the time about addressing my main area of excess:  CLOTHING.  

Then came the holidays.   And I needed a new outfit(s).

What really swung my pendulum was an experience I had right after this new year.    I invited my sister-in-law over to browse through my closet for a dress to wear to a wedding she was attending.    I love to share my clothes so I happily and pridefully brought out dress,  after dress, after dress, after dress, 

after dress, 

after dress,

after dress.

She was gracious but clearly surprised and somewhat shocked at all the offerings.  

It was then that I realized it was time ~~insert shudder here~~ to make a New Year's Resolution.  

It was then that I knew I needed to -- for once,  actually challenge myself.

PURCHASE NO NEW CLOTHING FOR 365 DAYS

In January I loitered around fully committing and just tested the waters a bit.   I tried out what it might feel like to withhold from buying clothes whenever it fancied me.   Meanwhile, I secretly hoped this trial period would be my window to screw up,  buy a pair of boots and coyly say "Oh, well.  It was fun (#notfun) while it lasted... get.out.of.my.face.I.am.going.to.TJMaxx."

Friends, it's almost March, me thinks it's time to fully commit.   

It's not just the mass quantity of clothing I have that sparked this experiment.  Too many dresses is just the presenting problem. And hear me when I say,  it's not a stretch to say this is a problem.  I just counted 39 sleeveless tank tops in my drawer.

What's the problem behind the problem?    From where must change originate?   Why do I feel called to this? 

These are some of the things I hope to explore and learn in the midst of this experiment.  Here at the blog I'll talk about this challenge along the way as a means of accountability and learning.    It's been 8 weeks and I already have a few stories to share.     More on those cheater boots later.

Here goes nothing.    As in I have nothing to wear.  really.  14 skirts can't possibly get me though the summer!!??

Guidelines:

**No NEW clothing purchased by myself for myself.   My sis said that during her challenge Thrift Store items were acceptable to buy when and only if there was a need.   Add to that - at time of purchase a clothing donation to said thrift store is mandatory.    I am still wondering about this.   Is it just a loophole?     I'm afraid if I allow myself this,   I'll be scouring Goodwill every week for something just SOMETHING FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, to buy.

**Gifts can be accepted but not begged for.    (Praises be for my upcoming birthday!)

**Get creative with the clothing items I already have

**Continue to clean out my closet and downsize.   Find the things that fit well,  have longevity in condition and style.   Eliminate the things I don't intend to or rarely wear.  Stick with the old trustys.

**Pray for resolve and sticktoitiveness with this challenge.  Petition God to teach me through this, even as it may just seem like a silly venture.

** ^{Matthew 6:28-30  28} “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?

Stay Tuned.  Or , maybe even join me?

small victories.

"Made it to Tuesday!"  my friend texted me yesterday.

I smiled because I was really feeling that text. 

Making it to Tuesday seems almost laughable doesn't it?
How can we not make it to a Tuesday?  it's only the 3rd day of the week,  how hard can it be?

Sometimes Monday is such a Monday, that Tuesday's arrival is a thing of victory!

"Made it to Tuesday!"
It's not nearly as accomplished as the victorious shout,  "TGIF !!!"
...but, at times it sure feels like it.

It's that time of year where I have to right my attitude rather often.
School is back in session,  and with it comes all the busy.

The big irony of my life is this...
I.DON'T.LIKE.BEING.CRAZY.BUSY.

It annoys me.  Unlike some,  I don't thrive on chaos,  but secretly wish I did. 
I tend to lose function (and graciousness) right at the height of the busyness.
It's not a great scene.

After those moments I am always left with this:  a pile of crying kids,  sky high laundry,  incomplete homework.   Oh, and let's just throw in a completely spilled 2L of orange soda,  Dan working out of town and a teething toddler for good measure.

How do I reconcile my aversion to busyness with the reality that I have 5 kids going in 5 different directions?  I ask myself that question quite often because wishing my life was slower paced,  more home based and less minivan occupied is really not going to help matters.   I must take actions to keep myself from the quicksand of grumbling discontent.  

This week's action:  ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE
with a rambling  manifesto  prayer...

How can I not completely bust open with thankfulness for all that God has given me?  Does sticky orange soda ALL OVER EVERYWHERE really amount to anything when compared to the 5 healthy, funny, naughty, unique kids that spilled it?

NO.   Our kids are gifts.  Every moment that I cart them around, wipe their butts,  fold their laundry, make their sandwiches,  give them tylenol,  cheer them on, and put them to bed is a gift of a life with them.
Yes,  of course I will feel like I am going off the rails from time to time but, Lord,  help me not to lose perspective for too long.  
God,  speak to me when I can't seem to do one more math problem or tackle the dishwasher for the millioneth time   Remind me Lord, that these moments are purposeful, sacred.   
YOU have called me to them.

During it all help me celebrate the small victories,  see the wins,  may they stimulate my day and my attitude so I know just how precious this life is.   

May I always thank you, Lord for these days... even the Mondays.



I hope to work through and write about other intentional actions I can take to be the Momma I want to be.
but don't hold your breath...
I am a slow learner.


thanks for the inspirational text, friend-  truly.

The Steadfast Love of the Lord Never Ceases,
His Mercies Never Come to an End.
They are New Every Morning,
New Every Morning.
Great is Thy Faithfulness, Oh Lord.
Great is Thy Faithfulness!

good times. noodle salad.

So,  here I am at the end of another summer season with my thoughts and photo archives bursting at the seams.   We had more than enough activity to fill our days and nights and weekends.  I am thankful for this.  It made the long days and nights with Dan working away more bearable and we created memories I hope the kids will hold onto.

Here at the blog my tendency is to photo dump in an attempt to bring it up to date.  Let's call it...

SUMMER SNAPSHOT 2012

Cruisin'

I'll see you again in 15 years,  I told him.

It may just be that long, or longer before we are able to spend 8 days alone again.
Back in March while Dan worked out of state,  we planned a trip to celebrate our 15 year anniversary.

It kind of felt like one of those once in a lifetime vacations,  and if that's true,  we are even more grateful for it.

I'll be honest.  Going into the trip I questioned 3 things:

Was the trip too long?

Would I miss the kids too much?

Would we remember how to be "just the two of us"?


The first day in we were quite tired from all the traveling so eating and sleeping took precedence.  No time to worry about my 3 main concerns,   we turned off the alarm and slept for what felt like a week.

Fully refreshed,  the next couple days went lazily by.   The surreal life is an accurate description to what we experienced on that cruise.   No alarms.  No kids.  No work.  No schedule.  No cooking.  No cleaning. No crying. No employees.  No pressure.  No stress.

I warned Dan for a few weeks prior that I had stored up many a conversation for the cruise.  One thing that we don't have the luxury of at home is finding a great amount of time to just sit and talk about things.  Things meaning more than our usual conversations about time he will be home from work and what kid needs what, where and how.

The cool thing about being away for 8 days is that you have all the time in the world to talk about the future,  our family, our dreams,  our struggles, our church, work,  anything and everything.   The cool thing is that on the cruise there were no distractions except if you count the waiter bringing me a bahama mama.

Question 1 answered.  8 days was not too long.  It probably took me that long to get all my words out.
Poor Dan.

Question 2.  Would I miss the kids too much?   We have been on trips before a few times in the first 15 and it seemed like those vacations found me homesick at some point.   I have to admit... not this time.   I love my children dearly,  no surprise there, but being away from them was refreshing!   Big surprise there!   I knew they were having a wonderful time with Grandmas and Grandpas so I cruised that week free as a bird!   No diapers to buy,  no minivan to drive,  no fights to break up.

Question 3.   Would we remember how to be "just the two of us?"
Well, this one was a bit more interesting.   Since the year 2000 we've been Mom and Dad...not as much Dan and Chelle.    I worried that we might stare at each other blankly and think... "who are you?"

Did I ever mention that I probably worry too much?

With dinners and shows and beaches, and pools, people watching and shopping, Oh, and how can I forget- Dan's slight Bingo obsession...
We had more than enough to do remind us that we are capable of fun outside of our parental roles.

I miss that cruise.  These days, it feels like it was just a dream.  In some ways it kind of was.

I'll see you again in 15 years, Dan.

Until then,  thank you for a lovely, precious time.  We will always have that moment on the top deck.  Remember?  When we cruised out of the port into the sunset and I fell asleep on your shoulder?   You may have thought it was the Benydryl I took for my heat rash  that made me so drowsy, but really-- it was one of the most contented,  peaceful moments of my life and I could just rest next to my love.

a few pix of the trip...

  Oops.  looks like someone forgot to pack black socks.   

 All fancied up for dinner.

 Loving the Sun!  a little too much actually according to my case of sun poisoning. 

that was unfortunate!

 Just about won us 5000 in Bingo!  but instead lost 40 bucks in 20 minutes.

 He couldn't wait to plunge into that clear water in Tortola.

 "hey, Hon.  let me take a picture of you by the ocean."

 Breakfast is served!   I love me some room service.  

 On May 23, 2012  officially our 15th Anniversary.

again..." Hey Hon,  let me take a picture of you by the ocean."

And one last little funny...

Dan would NOT let me purchase any of the posed photos that they take of you on the cruise.  

He did however try to video tape me checking out the proofs in the photo gallery.  

That is... before he was busted.

5k follow-up

It was probably the first thing I set my mind to in a LONG time that I actually accomplished.
I have a ridiculous ability to talk myself out of doing things,  and exercise was always one of them.
if you wish,  read the back story on this idea.  here.

Training for a 5k was so far out of my comfort zone that Dan and I chuckled a lot in back in March when I started.   I would rather unwillingly drudge to the basement and set the treadmill to a rip roaring 4mph.

As March turned to April and then May I had improved my attitude by leaps and bounds and along with that came this curious actual desire to lace up and jog.    A group of my wonderful gal pals and I were committed to running a local 5k,  and it was drawing nearer and nearer.

I would have to say one of the funniest things about this journey was while Dan and I were on our anniversary cruise (more on that later).  We had such an extreme amount of free time on our hands that we went to the ship's gym and ran on the treadmills.   I am not sure I can accurately describe how obsurd this is for ol' Dan and Chelle.   Any other vacation you'll likely find Dan camped out at the ice cream machine or midnight buffet and me at ... well,  the swim up bar or ordering room service.   So,  you see,  the ship's gym was unchartered territory.    With the 5k looming I had to knock off a couple runs on vacay as to not fall too far behind.

All of a sudden it was race day.   I was more nervous about Dan's abilities that day since he hadn't trained  a lick.   I figured I would be good to go.
What followed was a butt kicking.  His kicking mine- in regard to finishing times.

But that's OK.  I took great delight in experiencing something completely new.   There was SO much I learned in that race.  Things to do differently,  ways to push myself harder,  and ultimately the sense of accomplishment of a personal goal.

i could not have done this without the encouragement from so many and I honestly thank them for it!

laugh. out. loud.

they also kicked my butt :)  Way to get out there and run,  Dykstras!

I do look forward to the next 5k.   I really, Really need to shave a few minutes off my time!
In the mean time,  you might see me running down the street solving the world's problems in my head and (finally) enjoying every step!


a helpful quote I came across today...  quite encouraging because oh, my.  I experienced both!

"Relish the bad training runs.  Without them it's difficult to recognize, much less appreciate the good ones"  

--Pat Teske

15.

I wanted to do this 2 months ago, but you know how it is...  life gets in the way.

So,  15 years and 2 months into our marriage we celebrate 

with this slideshow of photos... through the years,  

and a wedding prayer.

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise.
You are faithful, God, You are faithful.

--- Matt Redman Never Once 

Father in heaven,
        give today your blessing
        upon the marriage of Dan and Michelle.
      We thank you for the vows
        they have spoken
        and the love in which
        they are now united.
      Keep them faithful and strong
        in every trial.
      Sustain their joy and affection
        for many years.
      We pray, Lord Jesus,
        that you will be acknowledged
        head of their home
        and master of their lives.
      Equip them, Holy Spirit,
          with patient endurance,
      sacrificial service, unfailing courtesy,
        endless trust, and lasting love.
      Grant that their home
        will often be a place of laughter;
        and in times of difficulty or trouble,
        a haven of healing and forgiveness.
      May they and their children
        give constant praise to you,
        eternal Father, who with the Son and the Spirit
        is God, blessed and exalted forever. Amen.

Spring into Summer!

annnnd.... exhale.

Summer is here.   Since my last post was Mother's Day and Father's Day is long gone...let's play catch up.

This poor blog has been largely ignored in the last while.
I jumped into May ---held my breath and let it out when the kids finished school.

I'd like to point out (for the memory books) that my kids had an extra long Last Day O' School since I forgot what time dismissal was and the poor souls waited 20 minutes for this lady to mozy in with the minivan.    

They survived,  but I was bummed.
I love that last day of school scene.  Papers from somewhere mid year swirling around the halls,  overflowing dumpsters and (dare I hope) recycle bins where all the year's hard work is laid to rest.  I love the jubilant faces of the students  as they slug that dirty backpack and smelly lunchbox over their shoulder one last time.  

I see relief on the face of teachers that they survived or thrived another year.   What is theirs for the taking is now respite,  refreshment and renewal.  ( for about 80 days )  But don't get me started on that.  'TIS TOO SHORT.

But,  I missed it.  Too late for pickup and 2 of my kids found other rides home.  My eldest child waited patiently at the flagpole as I cruised into the drop off spot.   My son who had just completed 6th grade,  hopped in the van and shook his head with knowing.   He knew I was late,  he knew I was clueless,  and he smiled anyway.   Boy,  did I grab hold of that.   I don't know if that kind of grace comes regularly as a 6th grader turns 7th grader and beyond.

Insert Last Day Pic here:

Well,  with the another Last Day and its story in the books I thought the easiest way to bring this bliggity blog up to speed is a photo dump.  (thanks for new term, Jamie!)

And now,  my lame attempt to record the doings from 2012 second quarter...

 Naomi delights.   She is now nearing 16 months and still refuses to walk...

or hold a sippy cup...
It's no big secret why :)  Let's just day she likes to be pampered.

 My search ended for the perfect dresser!  Finally, a real home for our unmentionables!

 Find the seller and professional painter : http://simpleredesign.blogspot.com/p/tutorials.html.

 A trip with Drew to the Michigan Historical Museum.  Love Rosie the Riveter.  Reminded me of this post over on Little Things.  The resemblance is uncanny!

 The 4th Grade Wax Museum.   Drew, as Wilbur Wright of the Wright Brothers.

Yes,  I was constructing that plane into the wee hours of the night...

the night before. 

It's how we do.

Over the last 3 summers I have really,  really taken an interest in gardening.   This beauty was a sad, spent, little clearance plant last year for one dollar.   I had to wait a year, but it was worth it.  

Second grade brings a day in the life of a pioneer girl.   Joy was so excited to go to the one room school house and experience life as it once was.   Real life Little House on the Prairie!

That wrapped up the school year.

Little did I know I needed to take another huge breath and hold it until after the 4th of July,  when things would once again calm.

Happy Summer!
More catch ups coming soon.