the final countdown.

Sometime around 30 weeks I began to count down the weeks,  while before that point I was counting up.    A wonderful milestone and I am thankful!    With less than 7 weeks to go before my due date I am trying to get my head around this being my last pregnancy.   I have many fun comparisons going on my my head about the first time I walked this road 11 years ago.   I hope to dig out a few  thoughts and photos from the olden days pretty soon and blog them,  but for today, though writing I hope to kick some fear to the curb.

I have said countless times that my previous pregnancy and this one have kind of melted together to one long hormonal circus.     Hope and loss,  sadness and searching,  anticipation, fear, and joy all weaving their own mark into my time line the last 10 months.

The closer I get to the 40 week mark increased anxious thoughts and memories of April's induced delivery reach the surface of my heart.    The way the last few weeks have lived out resemble the way I spent the first trimester of this pregnancy--living in fear.

Fearful of what exactly?   Frankly,  another pregnancy loss and delivery of a baby already gone.   The thought of living through that again is breath stealing  and joy taking.   I DO NOT want to be filled with this fear,  but here I am again letting it seep back in.    I say  "I"  am letting it seep in because it certainly is not of God.

He has restored me.
He has displayed His power in creating this life that I carry. 
He has promised to be near me every hour.

I don't want the loss of April to be for nothing.  Of the many things I have learned and will continue to learn following that time is that God is God!    His promises are true, and He carries us.   

It was not a one time gig.   

He will do this over and over again in my life as certainly more and greater storms will arise.  

Matthew 8:26 (Contemporary English Version) 

²⁶But Jesus replied, "Why are you so afraid? 

You surely don't have much faith." 

Then he got up and ordered the wind and the waves to calm down. And everything was calm.

So,  as a kind of declaration of independence from fear I say,  that come what may,

God will restore me.
God will display his power whatever the circumstance!
God will be near me every hour.

Moving forward in faith.   49 some days to go!