a new gratitude.

As with many folks,   we genuinely have many repeat  "I'm Thankful Fors..." year after year.

We gather around the table and offer our gratitude for many of the same blessings as years prior.    When I really think about it,  it is an amazing thing to do just that.     As an example -- for my parents to sit at this their 39th Thanksgiving table together and be grateful yet again for that same person --- awesome!

Some years are like that , some years are not.   For many,  the year that lives on between each Thanksgiving holiday brings about pain,  struggle,  disillusionment,  junk.

I am nearly positive that my personal  list of gratitude on Thanksgiving 2009 included our children,  Dan's job,  our amazing circle of family and friends.     Fast forward to 2010 and those are all abundantly true!

But,  I have a few more " I'm thankful fors"  to add.   Some things I never thought would cross my mind,  or my heart only one year ago.

I am thankful for human compassion.   We had never lost a baby before.  The pure love and kindnesses shown to us after April's death and delivery fill my heart with gratitude.  We could not have survived those early days without- people.

I am thankful for empathetic hearts.    One of the things I craved most this year, was knowing I wasn't alone in my experience.   People I knew and many I do not,  have shared with me their story and inspired me in knowing that God will restore.

i am thankful for freedom of expression.   I realize that all people find their own way to process loss and work through pain.   I am thankful that I live in this day and age.  For the most part, I wasn't discouraged from talking about our loss.   Blogs,  face to face conversations,  and many resources have helped me this year.   I have learned this freedom wasn't as available 20, 30 years or more ago.

I am thankful for God's word.   Where else would I to find His promises?  Where else would I find true hope? 

 

I am thankful for this guy.  
Ok, this one is for sure a repeat but,  surely in a new way.  Dan was called upon this year to see with his own two eyes an ultrasound of a still baby-- while I wailed.  He was called upon to stand by, feeling somewhat powerless, as I delivered her.  He was called upon to stay with me through it all and be the a source of strength-- all the while feeling his own pain of loss and experiencing something that is really difficult for a man to process.

He was required to do all of this while going back to work full time in a ridiculous economy and a work setting that allows NO time for grieving.    I cringe at the thought of how he must have had to take a deep breath when I would call... not knowing what he was about to get on the other side of the phone.   He must of wondered what environment would greet him when coming home from a long day at work.   It is not easy to see your wife in pain,  and not being able to stop it.     I say all of this not so you would feel sorry for him (or me)  but to just scratch at the surface of why I am thankful for Dan this year!  

Truly, a Happy Thanksgiving 2010.