of Drain-o and Dryer sheets (updated)

I woke up Saturday morning and it was already May.

What is always absolutely by far my favorite time of the year has been somewhat tainted.  This year I didn't notice the changing of the grass to green or the bare trees to lush leaves.    I didn't run outside on the first 80 degree day and feel the sunlight on my face.    (well, except for Spring Break in Florida... but that is another post for a different day)

Even though I didn't take special note of spring unfolding,  it happened anyway.  

"As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, 

summer and winter, day and night will never cease."  Genesis 8:22

While Dan and I were at the hospital following April's delivery I was fearful.   Afraid of how to live my life with this kind of pain.   I desperately wanted the world to stop until I was healed and my joy was restored.    I could not imagine going back to my mini-van/ mega-fun life,  I wasn't sure I wanted to.   So many things seemed trivial to me in the wake of our loss.  

Well, as many know and I am learning, the earth endures,  time doesn't stop.   I have muddled through the last 3 weeks and healing is ever so slowly starting to take root.    That truth was quite real to me the Sunday evening when I found myself out in the world (Target).

Reviewing the list of items needed, among other things was Drain-o and Dryer sheets.    It doesn't get more regular life than this, I thought to myself.   I just said an unbearable good-bye to our daughter and the dreams for a life she would have--and I am sitting here buying Drain-o for a clogged sink!   

Drain-o  and dryer sheets describes what I am trying to balance this week an beyond.  Just what is a healthy return to daily life without pushing down the pain too far?      A balancing act I feel I cannot master.   Just when I think I can go outside and breathe in the spring air,  I find in the mailbox an invitation to the memorial service for stillborn babies.   Ouch.   Reality.  Grief.

But I digress,   Back at Target I  filled the cart with household needs and went on with hope that the ability to go on with my regular life will, in small ways will help me heal and in time my joy will be restored.

There is an endless song

Echoes in my soul

I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love!

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give.

Chris Tomlin-- How Can I Keep From Singing?

How can I keep from Singing His Praise?