4 weeks ago...

I now feel like my life has been put on a specific timeline.    If I were to draw it up on a piece of paper i would mark the events, grief,  and pieces of joy along the way.  My timeline would also include a picture of a heavy cloud over it all that slowly dissipates. 

A timeline that began on April 13 in the Doctor's office.  There I  lay terrified and shocked that our Doctor could not detect fetal heart tones --- to 48hrs. later in the hospital parking ramp where I was wheeled  mere minutes after passing our lifeless baby girl to the nurse.

Since those pure and precious 48 hours I have a sense of urgency about reaching the end of this particular timeline yet fully realizing the true end is when I see April again in Glory!   As for the meanwhile,  I pray I can stop thinking about life in numbers.    4 weeks since we said goodbye to April...  22 weeks pregnant I should be..  due date...  what will life be like 52 weeks from now...

Thinking and living life that way can be too consuming and too painful.    

God wants me to fully rely and trust Him day after day after day,  

especially when I am all consumed with the timeline.

Lamentations 3:22-23,   

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
       for his compassions never fail.

  They are new every morning;
       great is your faithfulness.

We believe His promise in Matthew 5:4,   we have lived it.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

4 weeks ago we were fearful at the thought of living our lives with this type of pain and loss,   but God has made a way.  He will continue to mark the events,  grief,  and pieces of joy along this timeline.   

Although I can still see the cloud,  I rest in this comfort tonight.